the awakening

The awakening – part 1

 

Fuck you

And your ‘I love you’ ‘s

As transient as those eyes

Filled with love

(yes)

But also lies

Lies as in

Oops, I accidentally withheld the truth

Type lies

Lies as in

Never ever apologise

For the continual denial

For that oh so familiar demise

 

Yet somehow

You continue to shine

Shine, like the cowboy you are

Projecting pure snow

Your blunt honesty smothered halo

That I know, so well

You’re swell –

Make my heart swell

With a myriad of pink, fluffy emotion

Causing a commotion

Wreaking havoc

In my soul.

 

Those subtle twists of fate

That lead us to our

Current presents

Invokes thoughts of-

Where I’d be right now

Without your

‘carrot on a string’

Effervescence

I crowned you with a gift

I never knew I had

Laid my soul bare

And drove myself mad

With illusions of –

What the fuck?

I don’t know

Mr Pure as the driven snow

Mr Get the fuck outta my life

There you go….

(2002)

 

 

The awakening – part 2

 

Fuck

(not again)

Fuck –

Dun fucked me

Physically

Emotionally

Mentally

At one point I thought

Terminally

Fucked me again

And again

Not once

But twice

Took me beyond the fronds

Thought you were my paradise

And yes

At rooftop of my emotions

Why fucking why?

Make me laugh till I cry

(literally)

Live till I wanna die

(metaphorically)

My shit breaking

Over a landscape

Of moons and lies

Transient eyes

Cold blood

 

Now I

With pure serpent stance

Retreat

Learned neat

Like you

I now fool me

Into sweet renditions of Joni

Mitchell emotional baggagery

Rushing flowing

Crashing till burn

Hotwarmhotsmotheryearn

Until……finally

Cold

Lessons discreetly

I never learn.

 

Clarity

Hitting me

Like old wine into water

Or a

Swine to the slaughter

You, sweet cowboy

Taught me beyond any text

Took away my perplexed

Façade

With my commemorative cards

Laid down in hot blood

Warm stone

Melted me

All the way up and over

Full circle

To the bone.

(2004)

 

 

 

The awakening – part 3

 

Soon, I expected

But wrongly

As you’re still here

Lending your

Unbending shoulder

Crying pure light into my ears

Yet still, you ride

Like a cowboy?

S’passe, passe

Time moves on

More like Cardinal Richelieu nowadays.

 

But it’s you

With your always you

Still make me stop and think

Breath and stop

Stop and wander

Wonder why

This golden lady

Is feigning coyness

With this tepid little boy?

 

Ever since

I been feeling this deep messed up blue

Indigos, dark violets, serious hue

And it always starts and ends

With you

You who were you

(before)

Is you

(still)

Will always be you

(foreverfuckingmore)

But I can’t help but ponder

Where is the ‘I’?

Where is the ‘I’?

Where is the ‘I’

(2005)

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