This is an entry into a creative writing challenge i submitted… I wrote it last night at about 1am just before i fell asleep, raw, unedited, completely hormone (just started bleeding) fuelled… The script was to write about what sexual liberation means to me… It ain’t poetry but its written from the heart and is very much at the basis of much of my poetry… So…
Sexual liberation, to me is part and parcel of the basic freedom and beauty and power we ALL have deep within us. It’s only a part of it but is evidently, for women especially, quite a controversial part. Women’s identities have been shaped, molded, forced, oppressed and beaten into and out of us since time began it seems sometimes. I’d go so far as to say that we seem to exist (under the ever watchful eyes of patriarchy) as the hopeful reflection of man’s strength and dominance. Physically we are constantly reminded that, as a rule, we, as women are not as physically strong as men and that is used, implicitly and explicitly, as a tool to ‘keep us in check’. We are also told, in too many ways that it is not ‘feminine’ or ‘ womanly’ to aim to be strong, either physically, emotionally, mentally, intellectually and yes, sexually.
Sexually, we are supposed to be ‘demure’. Sexually available, yet at the same time inexperienced and innocent. To make lots of noise to please the man fucking us but please, don’t take that shit too far, i mean don’t actually know what you like and don’t like and PURLEASE don’t fucking ask for it! Haha!
So to me, sexual liberation is about me being in tune with my own body and mind. Understanding that sex, intimacy and love are a part of my journey…to understand myself better? Towards happiness? Enlightenment? Death? Who the fuck knows? I’ll tell you when i gets there! But being in tune starts with oneself. Everyone’s most frequent and intimate lover should be themselves. I engage in self love or masturbating or wanking or whatever you want to call it frequently. Not like its some macho competition; who can make themselves cum the most and the quickest. It’s organic. It’s fluid. It’s sensual. It’s loving and at points its just so raw and cut loose I’m almost embarrassed at the images and little narratives I’ve had running through my head as i indulge myself.
At times in my life i have been fairly promiscuous, and i use that word knowing exactly the implications it holds, but what i mean is that at points i have had many different lovers, most of which have lasted a short period and fucking really enjoyed it. I feel no shame that i have wanted to and needed to experiment with the different sexual dynamics you get with different lovers.
Every now and again, I’ll meet someone special and try to make that work. One on one. Because when my heart is engaged, there is only room for one. At points like this, in monogamous relationships, sexual liberation means that my needs are equally as important as my lover/partner’s. That me cumming regularly is as important as him cumming too. That if i am not in the mood, that will just be accepted and i am liberated enough to be honest about that and not just fuck for the sake of trying to keep a man. It means me being exited at the potential that true, deep intimacy can give to explore both mine and my boymanloverfriend’s fantasies, and be really open and honest and down right dirty at points. Cos I’m not trying to pretend I’m some kinda angel. Some innocent wee virgin waiting to be shown the way. I am an autonomous, experienced and direct woman, both in life in general as well as in more intimate spheres…
So, to recap, sexual liberation to me means a) not feeling the need to be in a relationship to be sexually active. b) when i am in a relationship, feeling comfortable enough to be honest about my desires and clear about my boundaries. c) consistently developing and maintaining a good connection to my own body…cos it is MY body, no fucker elses 🙂 x